How to Survive When Faced with a Zombie Apocalypse
This entry was posted on April 12, 2013.
The Centers for Disease Control assure us they are prepared to work diligently in the face of a zombie apocalypse. They do, however, recommend you create a survival kit to keep you going while CDC experts devise a vaccination and measures to control transmission of the disease. You can find a list of essential supplies at the CDC blog post entitled “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse.”
The CDC’s list contains standard emergency items. We have expanded the list to include items we consider indispensable.
- Energy Bars: Crashing from a sugar high near a zombie mob leads to eaten brains. Energy bars take little storage room and provide energy to run without the sugar crash.
- Batteries: Keep five changes of battery for each device. Vitally essential back-up batteries include: Hearing aid batteries to hear zombies, flashlight batteries to see zombies, and all-terrain vehicle batteries to outrun zombies.
- Hand Sanitizer: Buy vats of sanitizer. Blood, guts and gore are fundamental aspects of a zombie apocalypse, so you will need a lot of vats.
- Cats: Cats have an infallible sensitivity to the presence of various undead creatures. The sensitivity will alert you to any impending attacks, and, better yet, felines will use well-honed claws to mangle zombies’ ankles. Damaged ankles will not stop zombies but will slow them down considerably.
If you are staying put, fortify your location. Build walls using sturdy logs, thick boards or, if available, an immense Lego collection, and fashion a drawbridge entrance. Zombies, although persistent, are notoriously senseless; they neither climb walls nor open doors.
Practice with an array of projectiles, points and sharp edges. Crossbows, long swords and spears are ideal weapons, but any object will suffice if wielded properly. Inconclusive research suggests bear spray might distract zombies long enough for you to escape them.
You must have evacuation plans in case your safe location becomes swamped with zombies. Ideally, you have allies with whom you can escape if the need arises. If possible, outfit your group with two cargo vans to transport people unable to drive, supplies and gas. Other than the vans’ drivers, everyone capable should drive all-terrain vehicles.
Equip all transport with maps pinpointing rendezvous locations, communication devices and many containers of fuel. The amount of fuel needed to flee zombies is incredible.
The all-terrain vehicles in an evacuation plan serve two purposes. First, ATVs provide great maneuverability; you can dodge easily around stray zombies during your evacuation. Second, if you find a crowd of zombies, ATVs are the perfect little vehicle for zombie jousting. Rev up, run them through with a lance – okay, a large sharpened stick – and toast them over a bonfire.
Rules to live by are an essential tool to effectively survive. Besides with out rules and guidelines we are no better than the zombies who disregard any and all rules. Learn all the rules and dont get caught with your pants down
[quote align="center" color="#999999"]Rule 15: Know Your Way out! Nothing worse then a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero its always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out! (Zombieland)[/quote]
Last Ditch Effort When Faced with a Zombie Apocalypse
Run; specifically, run faster than the zombies behind you.
[message_box title="DISCLAIMER" color="red"]This post is strictly for entertainment purposes. This is not ment to be an actual guide.[/message_box]